Well it's January again and in the world of pharmacy, this is the most magical time of year. The holidays are over and people are just as nasty as ever, but now the fiscal year has rolled over for 99% of insurance plans. And you know what that means? Copay changes, formulary changes and ever increasing deductibles. And as the messenger of all this wonderful news, the adoring public always accepts the news with understanding.
I have spent the last 15 days getting bitched out over things that I have absolutely no control over. "But Crestor was covered last month!!!" Yep, and now it's a new year. I don't know about the rest of these morons, but every year in October I receive a big fat booklet in the mail from my employer. Now maybe I'm more diligent than the average consumer, but I actually read what the booklet contains. When I go to get a prescription filled for a generic Z-pak, I know that the copay will be $5. There is no surprise. But with my customers, this is obviously not the case.
But at least 10 times a day I hear: Why is this so expensive!? I don't have a deductible! You need to call the insurance and figure this out! I need to? Need? Seems to me this is a big cup of not my fucking problem. Why don't YOU call you're insurance? After all, it is YOUR insurance! And you're the person who signed the contract! Things I need to do: breathe, eat, sleep, poop. Hmmm...calling United Healthcare didn't make the list, so fuck off.
For those of you out there who are ignorant of how pharmacies bill claims, here's the Cliffs' Notes. We type in the RX info and electronically send a claim to the 3rd party's computer server. The server then kicks back a response as a paid claim or as a reject (i.e. refill too soon, drug not covered, etc). The pharmacist has little to no information about the claim itself. Sometimes the plan will tell us how much was applied to a deductible or how much is left of said deductible. That's about it. We don't know what your preferred drugs are (unless a rejected claim tells us) and we sure as fuck don't know how much they will cost. So if you ever roll your eyes at me when I tell you that, I sincerely hope you trip and crack your head in a pool of AIDS.
And let me tell you guys something else, especially you stupid fucks that constantly turn your nose up when I tell you about your $2.60 co-pay. I have been working in retail pharmacy since 2000. That's 12 years. Now I realize you've been on disability and Medicaid since you were born, but that doesn't qualify you as an expert on my job. Which by the way, how is it that someone who has never held A job knows all about mine? In those 12 years, I can literally count on one hand the number of times an adjudicated price was wrong. That's right boys and girls. One hand. Tens of thousands of prescriptions. Less than 6 errors on the price. Do you know what that means? It means to shut your fucking mouth about the price and give me your money! Don't like it? Call them yourselves; it's not like you have to go to work or anything. And for what it's worth, the people who typically complain about their copays, usually have the cheapest ones. OMG, $10 for a 90 day supply of Caduet? Why do I even have insurance? And don't forget the Medicaid people- Why is this $3? It should be free. And if it's not I don't want it. But ring up these Newports and boxes of wine. And be sure to do that separately from my pork rinds and Mountain Dew 'cause I got EBT. If you're one of those people, you should be placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds.
Despite what a lot people think, I am not psychic. I don't know all of your copays and I don't have a copy of your policy in my file cabinet. Do I look like the Aflac duck? No? Then fuck off. I used to wonder how all of the so-called "subprime" mortgages were even put into place. Now I know- people will blindly sign a legally-binding document without having the slightest clue as to what is in it. I guess I will never understand how someone can be so dumb. That and why people look at you funny when you say selective sterilization might not be a bad idea.
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